The day usually begins with a dog jumping onto the bed and looking for a warm place to snuggle – she isn’t picky. Then it’s into the shower, breakfast, clothes, Li’s breakfast, clothes, dive into the car and on the way to the babysitter’s. The day quickly snowballs – each event tipping off the next. Work, lunch, work, meeting, work. Before I realize the day is passing, it’s suddenly dark and the clock signals the time to reverse the process. Pick up, drive, dinner, clothes and bed.
Weeks are the same process on a larger scale- yoga class, library, groceries, laundry, cleaning the house. Rinse and repeat. Months follow the same routine- but often with bills involved. Saving for future. Planning for the future. Preparing (bracing?)for the future.
Months slip into years and I don’t realize that I’ve been half asleep, that my life is flying by in those little moments until I have a toddler staring me in the face, demanding that I get her a cup of milk and I wonder what happened to the sleepy baby I had to wake up to feed.
But I’m one of the lucky ones- I know that. I have support. I have love. I have laughter. I have a roof of my own, good food of my own, and enough health to enjoy it. But it’s easy to forget in the hurryhurryhurry we’re late for the babysitter’s/work/bedtime.
It’s a cliché, but the only constant is change. And it happens as quickly in a moment as it does slowly over 6 months.
For us, it’s going to happen in 100 days.
Brisket is going to be deployed for a year in Germany beginning May 2nd.
I tell myself that he’ll be safe- safer than the last time in Iraq. I tell myself that it’ll open up doors that we need opened if we ever want to reach our goals. I tell myself that the order of my day won’t change that much. I tell myself that we’ll be able to figure out a way for us to join him.
And if I repeat it enough, for now, it helps keep the worries at bay. Enough that I can get out of bed in the morning and start the process over.
Because if I didn’t have that process keeping me on point and on track? And if I didn’t have that little voice asking for milk in the early morning hours? If I didn’t have that support, and laughter, and (I’m going to be honest here) good food, I would probably be in a much sadder place.