Going Postal

Scene:  Saturday morning- 11 a.m. at the post office.  Please note that there is a line stretching to Illinois behind us of rapidly overheating customers.

Players: Me, Brisket, Li (in a bright purple coat), and a befuddled postal worker (PW)

And, ACTION!

Brisket:  We’d like to apply for a passport for our daughter.

PW:  Oh…ok.  Do you have the paperwork?

Brisket:  Yes, but we need a photo taken.  You do that here, right?

PW:  Sure- Not a problem.

PW gets a digital camera and comes around the counter.

PW:  Let’s just put him against this wall.

Me, hissing:  Him?

PW:  C’mon buddy, smile for me.  Be a good boy and smile for me?  Will be you be a good boy and smile?

Brisket:  Um…it’s a girl.

PW:  Oh…Ok..smile for me?

Picture taken.  PW goes back around the corner.

PW:  Oh.  I guess I didn’t get close enough.  I need to get a closer picture.

Us:  Ok.

A few groans are heard from the line behind us.

PW:  Smile for me buddy…I mean.  Good girl!

PW goes to develop photo.

PW:  There we go- oops!  I dropped the photo between the counter and the cabinet.  Let me take 15 minutes to search for it.

Line behind us starts to whisper and point in anger.

PW:  I can’t find it…that’s weird.  I guess we’ll have to take another photo…

Gets camera again for the third time.  Mutters of anger are clearly heard now.  A few swears are tossed out.

PW:  C’mon little guy!  Smile!

Us:  It’s a girl.

Unbelievably, Li actually smilesPW takes two photos and goes to develop them.

PW:  Here we go…oh…both are too light-  they won’t accept this.  Let’s do it again.

Crowd:  Kill them!  Take them down!  These boxes are heavy!

The interior lights are turned off to help with the lighting issue- leaving everyone in darkness.  The PW takes another photo, with a flash.  I resist saying something because I’m on the edge of fury, and I don’t like to appear to be crazy in public.

PW:  Um…no, that didn’t work.  The camera doesn’t seem to like the little guy.

I believe every person in the entire post office stares at PW- waiting for the words “Let’s take it again.”  Pitchforks are being sharpened.  I’m holding my breath.  Time seems to slow down.

PW:….maybe you should just go to Walgreens….

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Categories: Hus (Brisket), Li, me, snark | Leave a comment

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