Scene: Saturday morning- 11 a.m. at the post office. Please note that there is a line stretching to Illinois behind us of rapidly overheating customers.
Players: Me, Brisket, Li (in a bright purple coat), and a befuddled postal worker (PW)
Brisket: We’d like to apply for a passport for our daughter.
PW: Oh…ok. Do you have the paperwork?
Brisket: Yes, but we need a photo taken. You do that here, right?
PW: Sure- Not a problem.
PW gets a digital camera and comes around the counter.
PW: Let’s just put him against this wall.
Me, hissing: Him?
PW: C’mon buddy, smile for me. Be a good boy and smile for me? Will be you be a good boy and smile?
Brisket: Um…it’s a girl.
PW: Oh…Ok..smile for me?
Picture taken. PW goes back around the corner.
PW: Oh. I guess I didn’t get close enough. I need to get a closer picture.
A few groans are heard from the line behind us.
PW: Smile for me buddy…I mean. Good girl!
PW goes to develop photo.
PW: There we go- oops! I dropped the photo between the counter and the cabinet. Let me take 15 minutes to search for it.
Line behind us starts to whisper and point in anger.
PW: I can’t find it…that’s weird. I guess we’ll have to take another photo…
Gets camera again for the third time. Mutters of anger are clearly heard now. A few swears are tossed out.
PW: C’mon little guy! Smile!
Us: It’s a girl.
Unbelievably, Li actually smiles. PW takes two photos and goes to develop them.
PW: Here we go…oh…both are too light- they won’t accept this. Let’s do it again.
Crowd: Kill them! Take them down! These boxes are heavy!
The interior lights are turned off to help with the lighting issue- leaving everyone in darkness. The PW takes another photo, with a flash. I resist saying something because I’m on the edge of fury, and I don’t like to appear to be crazy in public.
PW: Um…no, that didn’t work. The camera doesn’t seem to like the little guy.
I believe every person in the entire post office stares at PW- waiting for the words “Let’s take it again.” Pitchforks are being sharpened. I’m holding my breath. Time seems to slow down.
PW:….maybe you should just go to Walgreens….